Struggling to get over your ex?
3 steps to release your ex and make space for new
“Don’t worry, the first divorce is the hardest! It gets easier after that” was the counselling line of my friend who had gone through 3 divorces. He wanted me to feel better as I was finding it hard to let go of my ex-husband, even though I was the one to call the quits. His comments left me wondering the reason for ‘it’ getting easier after the first one. I asked around my friends about their relationships and most of them admitted of still having feelings for their exes.
The more relationships I explored, the more I heard people saying that even though they had moved on from their ex, but still, when they hear that same song that was shared, all the times are triggered back and sometimes the memories literally haunt them. I’ve seen so many people unconsciously ruin their current relationships because the emotions they felt with their ex, found a way to live in their present.
People enter new relationships without really knowing the extent to which their previous partners have influenced them. Anytime a person starts a new relationship, most of the time it is based on the experience from the previous one. It provides a reference point for their new partner’s behaviour. “Joe” doesn’t take time out from his work like ‘Ashley’ use to do”, or, “ She is just like lisa, “moody and temperamental”. A comparison of their old partners keep lingering in their mind.
The reason why all these feelings emerge from time to time is because all of this is information is recorded in our bodies. Our bodies, not only the brain, has an amazing ability to store information such as memories, sensations, emotions, words and even trauma in the neurons of its cells. This is followed by the law of the Universe, everything is energy and energy contains information.
Each couple has an invisible energetic bond between them. This bond consists of every word, action, gesture, time they spent together. The moment you became involved with each other, it was born. When we leave the relationship, the energetic bond remains between as a part of us is hooked into them like a cable wire. We carry this in our new relationships which affect us without our knowledge. So even though, we change, our schools, colleges, place where we live, etc, a part of us is still very much connected.The more relationships we have, the more energetic bonds we create with another individual. The fascinating thing is, that only the first bond is the most strongest as all the energy is available, but as we move on and create the next bond with someone, not all the energy is available for the bond. After gaining that insight, I finally knew why the first break-up or divorce is often the most painful one.
The good news is, that once we become aware that a lot of our current challenges aren’t really coming from our current partners, we can learn a way to dissolve the past, so that we can fully embrace the present. With this new awareness, I was not only able to heal my own heart completely and release my ex, moreover, I was able to help thousands of people who are now emotionally, mentally, spiritually free from their past and have made space for the new to come in.
Here are the 3 following steps that will show you the way to release the energetic bonds and create space for the new.
The first step of creating any form of change is to acknowledge what have happened. So, Take a pencil and a paper and make a list of ALL of the partners who you were involved emotionally and physically. The reason why we are creating this list is because while you might be struggling to get over your last one consciously, there would still be invisible energetic bond with the previous ones.
If you are in a relationship then write the name of your current partner as well. When you put your partner’s name in, you are putting in the current bond as it is made up of the remaining energy from the past. Once that is dissolve, you will have a brand new space to bond and enhance your relationship with your current partner.
Humans are creatures of habit. We follow a certain pattern without knowing. We attract the same type of partners over and over again. If you’ve had one abusive relationship, chances are that you’ll pick another relationship exactly like that in a different form.
By revealing how you truly feel, it’ll allows you to have more insight into your current relationships as well. Don’t be surprised, if you find that you are experiencing the same emotions as you did in your previous relationships with different partners.
Once you’ve made the list of your partners, reveal your true feelings. How did you generally feel in all the relationships that you’ve had? You can use one word to describe what it was like.
So it can look like the following:
My partners How they made me feel
(for example: Joe) (Ignored, misunderstood)
By writing your feelings around the partners, you are revealing the energetic bonds that are still lingering in your energy.
Dissolve the Past:
By acknowledging and revealing the bonds, you are now ready to dissolve the past.
The following simple yet profound process will allow you to dissolve the energetic interference within minutes as it is based on the universal principle of energy, that energy follows thought.
Now for this exercise, set aside a time where you would not disturbed.
Close your eyes.(read the following process first, so that you have an idea of what is in store for your imagination)
Focus on your breathing by taking few deep breaths.
Now, Imagine that you are in a big room. In front of you is a big stage. On that stage, imagine all of your exes are right in front of you. In your mind’s eye, simply say to them, “Thank you for allowing me to experience these relationships. Some good, some bad, some right, some wrong. It was all an experience. Now i am ready to create new experiences. So, with love, I release any emotional hurt, disappoint, sadness, anger, regret, fear, judgement or any unfinished business, I declare it complete. I release, remove and clear it from my mind, emotions and body. I accept my choices and I accept your choices. We are all free. Thank you”
When you release an energy from your system, that creates a void, so its important to replace that void with the energy that you want to experience in your life.
Think of the feelings that you want to experience. For example, Love, joy, peace or happiness.
Now in your mind’s eye, imagine that feeling of love, joy…. having a color.. red, yellow, silver or any color that pops up in your mind.
After giving it colour, give it a feeling.. warm or cool?
Then imagine that in front of you is that emotion as ball of colorful energy with a cool or warm feeling.
Now, imagine breathing that energy in…feel the feelings of that emotions in your body..
Take few deep breath in..by taking all that emotion.. and breathing out remaining old emotions 🙂
It is important to know that sometimes when there is a lot of emotional baggage in a relationship, It takes perseverance to do the above steps consistently. It is like peeling the layers of onions. Each time, you write the list of your exes, you will notice the list going shorter, as the energy keeps dissolving and a layer gets peeled away and eventually it will dissolve into nothingness. You will start to notice the difference in your reaction towards your current partner as the point of reference that you related from is no longer the same. If you are not in a relationship, the way you respond to the opposite gender will change as you would have cleared the undercurrent of your past reference points.
In a nutshell, whether you are in a relationship or single, these processes will help make space to be fully present in your relationships and will give you a choice to respond to the events from your current conscious self. Remember that, decisions create destiny and whatever decisions you made or your ex made were from the knowledge you had at that time. Now you know better, so you can choose to respond better!
By Sidra Jafri