A letter to my 11 year old self……
You don’t know this yet, but you are going to be just fine. You will grow up to be successful, have true friends and look back at your childhood as happy.
I know you don’t see this whilst you lay in bed at night worrying about the bullies, going through your evening rituals in the hope the girls at school will be nice to you tomorrow. You’re too busy lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, counting silently in your head numbers into the thousands and praying that if you count as high as you can, things will be ok. But I know the girls at school will be mean to you in the morning and know you will waste more precious time the next night counting even higher.
I wish you could see why they do this to you. They are jealous. But your confidence is so badly broken it will take a few years for you to realise this. You will eventually see it for what it is, yet instead at this point in your life, you’ll spend the next couple of years dreading social occasions or being put in the spot light in any circumstance. You’ll be embarrassed at the mention of your name, the sound of your own voice or at the slightest glimmer of attention. Please don’t shrink away from the crowds for too long, you really do have a lot to give.
I promise that one day you will wake up and not dread going to school, you will no longer spend all of your Sunday dreading and freighting about what this week will have in store. You will learn to enjoy the last few days of the school holidays without feeling like you’re living under a grey rain cloud. Soon you will see this and know what a waste of your time and energy this dreadful feeling really is.
If only you could see how beautiful and fun you are to be around. Yet you’re too intent on attempting to control one of the only aspects of your life which you can. You aren’t eating, you throw your sandwiches away at lunch, pretending to your friends you have already eaten and what’s left you give to the bullies who want whatever they can get from you. No one notices when you lose weight until one day your mum will tell you that you look like a skeleton in the middle of New Look. I promise you will learn that controlling your food intake is not the way to control your life.
You will soon begin to understand that being smart and clever is a very good thing, you will learn to get a drive for life and being successful. You will realise the girls who try to hold you back, knock your confidence and make you dread going to school are not worth putting your future at risk for.
I’m writing to let you know that in twenty years’ time, you are very happy with life, you are blessed with two beautiful boys and a step daughter, a man you love and that loves you back, a brilliant career and the confidence to do anything in the world. Keep your chin up, rise above the bullies, live your life, hang out with your friends, laugh lots, smile more and enjoy just being eleven.
Love Me – aged 31 xxxxx