Our Single and Loving it Chick!
Hello Chicks, sorry I haven’t written in a while. A lot has happened in the last few months and a lot hasn’t been happening…I have been sexually inactive since December. No shenanigans, no penetration, nothing. Nada. Zip. Today’s tale is from over a year ago, I was dating this guy for a month or so and in true CF style I got wankered and acted inappropriately (read: crazy) and my pal gave me some solid words of advice then took me for a night out on the lash. Here is what happened…
Me: “Oh shit oh shit oh shit” – in shame spiral
Amanda: “You’re not as crazy as you think you are, you had a bad night but it’ll be OK. He will get to know you and love all of you just make better times than bad. Shit happens and whoever can handle all of you is lucky to be with you” – spoken like a true friend. Spoiler alert: things did not work out with this dude but that is another story.
So, things were a bit rocky with the dude and we had some stuff to talk about and football Sunday is not the time to rehash drunken behavior and/ or apologize for said behavior so I high-tailed it to Amanda’s place in Brentwood for some Sunday Funday action of my own. We had the most hilarious time and holy shit! Brentwood is packed full of handsome, chill, early-thirty somethings. Couldn’t believe my eyes, wall to wall talent and all laid back with cool shoes and fat wallets. What a combo!
Amanda and I bar hopped to a Mexican place and a few sports bars with a couple of her man friends, one was a total douche but I can be a wingman for her any day. My WM duties actually didn’t last that long as I got totally distracted with the promise of meeting a fellow Brit in another part of the bar – it’s ALWAYS exciting to talk to someone from where your from if you now live in a different country. I met the Brit and then met his friend who was a stone cold fox, hot damn what a beautiful man! We got chatting right away, there was mad chemistry and I literally couldn’t take my eyes off him. The Brit turned out to be a bit of a creeper and was rubbing his crotch on my leg while we were all chatting, not sure if all the beer was catching-up with him or if that was his signature move with the ladies. No matter, I used this as an excuse to move closer to the Fox and then, as if by magic, Amanda B comes to the rescue, bends the creepster over the pool table and sticks her tongue down his throat. Wingman action coming full-circle.
We order more drinks, have a ridiculous photo shoot with our new crew (those photos turned out great) and then we politely decline drinks at a 4th bar in favor of a short walk home and a siesta. Quite grown-up and put together wouldn’t you say?! So we all stumble out of the bar, numbers have been exchanged, Facebook connections and Insta follows have been made and after I lick the Fox’s lips Amanda and I set-off home promising to meet the guys at a party later on.
Amanda lived about 5 mins around the corner from the bar with her friend Britanny and yet we managed to have a very eventful and silly trip home. We met man group number 3 who were walking the same way and banter on to them about their day and what they’ve been up to and then out of nowhere Amanda does an Only Fools and Horses Del Boy sideways fall into a bush. Oh my god it was fucking hysterical, I was laughing my ass off and doubled-over I could barely help her up so instead I just start taking photos with my phone. I cannot not pull it together, she’s laughing I can’t walk and then, I wet my pants. This brings on another round of laughter and squealing I’m trying to squeeze my thighs and pelvic floor muscles (not sure I have those) but it just keeps on coming! My jeans are soaked and so I’m trying to stay a safe distance from our new pals, I mean it’s funny to us, but I would be mortified if anyone else knew….erm, well, thankfully they bugger off and I’m free to drop trow like a lady and pop a squat behind a tree. We stumble into Amanda and Brittany’s place and I announce to her whole family (husband, two sons and a dog called Pistol) that I wet myself in the street and now I needed a nap. They were thrilled to see me and have me in their house.
My quick siesta turned into a major catnap and I woke-up thirsty and confused at 12.15am with 4 texts and a missed call from Mr Fox. Damn it!! Probably a good thing that we didn’t go back out, quit while we’re ahead and all that, although not sure peeing in the street counts as ‘being ahead’ but like Amanda said, “…whoever can handle all of you is lucky to be with you” Pant wetting and all !