How to live fully in the present relationship



February… the month of LOVE, the month of Valentines, hearts, chocolates and kisses.

It is interesting to see how many people are more concerned about their relationships at this time of the year than any other time. Whether we believe in Valentine’s day or not, looking around at the strong marketing messages pouring through, can create a sense of loneliness even when we are in a relationship… WHY? Because this time of year tends to ignite the fairy tale dream. As children, most of us have grown up hearing about Cinderella and her prince charming, Snow White and her true love’s kiss and many more… dreams of finding love, falling in love and remaining in love often consume us. Deep down inside there is a small sense of hope or desire that one day our Prince or Princess will come. However, as time goes on and after going through many heart breaks the idea of living a fairy tale dream seems far away, like a distant memory.

People often go from one relationship to another, in hope of finding “The One”. I often hear many people say that they feel “numb” in their current relationship or feel “nothing” whilst they are dating. Even though the person they are currently dating, or are with, seems to be ok but the “butterflies” aren’t there. The truth is that the current partner or potential partner won’t stand a chance of giving you “butterflies” unless you make “energetic” space for them. Just physically moving on from a relationship doesn’t truly make space for the new.

Human beings are energetic beings which means that we give and receive energies. The first time we ‘fall in love’ with someone, it creates an energetic bond, like a cable connecting from your heart to theirs, as all of your heart is full of energy. After the first break up, the cable gets broken but the energy of that bond still
remains in the heart. When we break up and physically move on and create a new bond with someone else, unless we have consciously integrated our energy back into our present selves, there is an energetic cord that still exists with that first person. This means the second bond in our new relationship is not that strong, and we are not fully in the present relationship.

relationship-advice-sidra-jafri-living-fully-in-present-relationship-thoselondonchicksNo matter how much you have physically moved on from a relationship, there’s still emotional, mental and spiritual baggage that you’re carrying energetically in your space. This is stopping you from being fully present in your second relationship. If things go wrong in that second relationship and you break up again, this time it is relatively easy because all your energy is not fully there. And so on and so forth.

Can you remember your first love and how painful it was the first time your heart was broken?
The more relationships we go through, the more energetic cords we have with our past partners.
If you are not in a relationship, there could be a chance that some cords of your heart are still hooked into past relationships and not allowing you to live fully in the present or even stopping you from inviting a new loving relationship.

If you are currently in a relationship, just imagine how it would be if you truly started living this current relationship with the full capacity of your heart and being fully present with your partner. As if it’s the first time you are in love! What if you could make every month the “month of love” and every day a Valentine’s Day?

To be able to experience that level of connection again, we must make space in our hearts and clear all the past energetic bonds that we are holding on to. Even the words like, “I will always love you” or “I will never be able to love again” or “I love you forever” creates an energetic bond which keeps lingering on long after
the relationship is over.

We need to live our relationships fully in the present moment. Living in the moment is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. Instead of letting your life go without living it, you need to fully awaken to the experience of your present relationship.

The key to being fully present is forgiveness. Hearts can be transformed when we hear someone say the words “I’m sorry; please forgive me”. Forgiveness helps you to let go of all that has happened and allow you to be fully in the present so that you can live life in a loving relationship.

The following visualisation will help you clear all the energetic bonds from past relationships and make space in your heart to be fully in the present.

Begin by taking few deep breaths.
Become present in your body by taking all your attention and awareness into your breathing.
Imagine relaxing your mind and your body by breathing in love and breathing out appreciation.
Now imagine that you are in a room completely empty and in front of you is a stage.
Take all your attention and awareness into your heart now. Sense how your heart feels?

Now say out loud,

“ By invoking the law of free will, I call upon the energy of all those people who I still have unfinished business with.”

Now imagine all those people are leaving your heart and gathering on the stage in front.
Imagine cords connecting from your heart into these people.
These cords contain all the emotions of anger, hurt, disappointment, mistrust, fear, abandonment and rejection.
Feel the feelings of these emotions leaving your body going into the cords.

Say to all these people,

“Thank you for showing up in my life and teaching me great wisdom. With love, I let go any vows, contracts, pacts, agreements or decisions that I made to you or any that you made to me, I declare it complete”
I release my need to suffer and punish myself. I forgive you and I forgive myself for the past. We are all free.”

Imagine the cords being dissolved.


“I ask a ball of light to be filled in our hearts. I ask that our hearts are freed and our lives are lighter. Thank you.”

Imagine light entering your heart and all those who are on stage, their hearts are filled with light too.
Take few deep breaths and take all your attention, all your awareness into your heart. Imagine your heart being light and glowing.

If you consecutively do the process for 3 to 5 days, you will start to feel your relationships changing for better. There will be a lot of energy and you will feel the benefits of living fully in your present relationship.


By Sidra Jafri 

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